


Banana Hammock

by TheSpasticFantastic



Series: A Tale of Two Cities [8]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: F/M, Mature Humor, Modern AU, Original Character(s), Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26877841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSpasticFantastic/pseuds/TheSpasticFantastic
Summary: Elsa and Alarik are on their honeymoon.  Agnarr receives an unfortunate text.
Relationships: Agnarr/Iduna (Disney), Elsa/Alarik
Series: A Tale of Two Cities [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815652
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Written for the ongoing fic swap with @couragedontdesertme. Many thanks to @patricia-von-arundel for creating Alarik. And a thousand thank yous to @fericita-s for beta reading and putting up with my shenanigans. Rated T+ for implications.

“Do you still want to go to the beach?” Alarik called as he rummaged through his suitcase. It had been a long flight, but they had both managed to doze off holding hands and now he was eager to move.

“Yes!” Elsa replied through the bathroom door. “Can you text my dad to let him know we got to the hotel safely? My phone is dead and you know how he is.”

“Yes,” Alarik muttered, raising an eyebrow. “I certainly do.” He tapped out a quick text and sent it. “He’ll probably think I’m telling him you’re already pregnant!” He grinned as he heard her laughter from the other side of the door. The phone buzzed.

_Thanks. Enjoy your honeymoon._

Alarik smirked. He intended to enjoy it. It was a rare thing for the two of them to have a break from work at the exact same time. And it was impossible for his lab to bother him with inane questions when he was five thousand miles away. He tossed a pair of shorts aside and found what he was looking for. 

It had been a gag gift from a friend during his undergraduate studies back in Sweden. A speedo with the historical coat of arms for Gotaland strategically centered. Unfortunately, during his first weekend-away trip with Elsa to the Jersey Shore, back when they had first dated, it had also been his only swimwear.

Quickly, he stripped out of his clothes and donned the bathing suit. He grabbed his phone and stood in front of the full-length mirror near the hotel bed. He flashed a cheesy grin at his reflection and made a thumbs-up sign. He took the picture just as Elsa came out of the bathroom.

“Oh my God!” She laughed. He grinned as he went to text the photo to her. Then he caught sight of her in the deep blue one-piece she had put on. His breath caught in his throat. She was lovely. “I can’t believe you brought that!”

Still staring at her, he locked the screen and tossed the phone carelessly onto a chair. He approached her slowly as her smile widened. He wrapped his arms around his wife.

“I think the beach can wait.”

* * * * *

“Elsa and Alarik got to the hotel safely,” Agnarr said as he glanced at his phone. Iduna hummed and nodded. She continued to read her book as Agnarr sent a reply and then turned his attention back to his computer screen. She yawned and stretched.

“I’m going to go make some tea. Do you want any?”

“Do we have decaf?”

“We do. Peppermint.”

“Yes, please. Thank you, dear.” She drifted into the kitchen and found two mugs. She filled them with water and placed them in the microwave. “I think if I’m able to keep this pace, I should be able to turn in the draft to the publisher by next month!” He called from their study.

“That would be good,” she called back, leaning against the counter. The microwave beeped. She took the mugs, plunked in two teabags and returned to her husband. His phone buzzed again as she entered. He frowned as she placed their tea on the small table between them.

“Why is he texting me again?” He picked up his phone. Suddenly, he jumped up from his seat with a wordless shout and hurled the phone into a recliner. Iduna froze as he clapped his hands over his face. “Oh my God! Why? Why would he send me that?!”

“Are they ok?” She grabbed his phone. There was a picture of her new son-in-law in a rather revealing bathing suit looking incredibly . . . pasty. She let out a shocked snort of laughter.

“Iduna! My eyes! They’re still closed but it’s all I can see!” He moaned as he staggered about the room. “Why can I still see it?!”

“He probably meant to send it to Elsa.”

“Knowing that does not help!”

She laughed as he glared at her and grinned appreciatively at the photo. “You know, Alarik is pretty cut for an academic. You wouldn’t know it from his clothes, but he’s really got some muscle definition there. Kind of like you when you were his age.”

“These are not things I need to hear!” He wailed as he stormed from the room. “I’m going to go wash my eyes out with bleach!”

“Stop being such a drama king!”

“Then I’m going to wash out your dirty mind!”

“You _like_ my dirty mind.” Iduna smirked, then thought for a moment and forwarded the picture to Elsa along with a note.

* * * * *

“Do you still want to go to the beach?” Alarik murmured before kissing his wife’s neck.

“Mm.” She shuddered against him as they lay wrapped in the sheets. “Too late in the day to swim. Maybe we could take a walk after dinner?” He smiled, kissed her again, and rolled out of the bed.

“I’ll start the shower.”

“Did my phone charge?”

He glanced at it and nodded. He tossed it over to her. “Here.”

“Thank you.” He turned on the water and placed a hand under the spray to test the temperature. “Oh – I got something from my mom!”

“Oh yeah? What is it?” There was silence. “What is it?”

“Um . . .it’s – it’s a picture. Of you.” Alarik’s eyes widened as his heart plummeted into his stomach. “In your speedo.”

“What!?” He dove back into the bedroom. Elsa’s face was bright red. “Please tell me I didn’t send that to your mother!”

“No,” she said in a strained voice. “You sent it to my father.” She showed him the screen which held the picture of him and the following text: _Nice pull, dear, but in the future if you could both please keep your father’s health in mind when texting. The last thing I need is for him to have a heart attack or an aneurysm. Also, can you ask Alarik where he got that fetching speedo? I’d like to find one for your father with the Crest of Norway. Thank you!_

He collapsed onto the bed, hiding his face in his hands.

“We can never go back. We can never go back, Elsa. We live here now.”

And in that dark moment, just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, Elsa swallowed hard and said “Oh boy. Now there’s a text from Anna . . . “


	2. Family Photos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @fericita-s for beta reading and to @patricia-von-arundel for creating Alarik.

“We need a family photo.” Anna said, her tinsel crown sparkling in the colored lights of the Christmas tree.

“No,” Kristoff replied as he shook his head. “No, we do not need a family photo of this.”

“We definitely need a family photo of this.” Iduna sipped her eggnog primly as Agnarr glared at her, holding the skimpy swimsuit in his hands. The Crest of Norway was emblazoned across the crotch.

“I am not – I am not wearing this in front of my granddaughter!” He hissed. Kristoff nodded vigorously.

“That’s right! Think of our daughter. She’s only nine. She doesn’t deserve to be scarred for life.”

“Oh please!” Anna waved her hand. “She’s already in bed. She won’t be up until tomorrow when it’s her turn to open the presents. Come on, show me the glory of that Lapland flag!”

“We are not male review dancers!” Agnarr protested. “And what about Alarik, hm?” He turned on his newest son-in-law who was huddled next to his wife at the far end of the sofa. Alarik’s face was crimson.

“Yeah!” Kristoff pointed at him. “This is his fault. Why are we being punished?”

“Wasn’t it punishment enough that I-“

“No!” Kristoff scowled. “No, it was not punishment enough. Where’s your bathing suit, huh?”

“Back in New York, of course.”

“See?” Agnarr shrugged. “It just wouldn’t be a proper family photo without both of them included. I have two son-in-laws, after all. And Sweden is a critical part of Scandinavia.”

“Aw, come on, Elsa!” Anna laughed and smacked the sofa cushion. “Didn’t you get my text to pack it?”

“I thought it was a joke!”

“Why would you think it was a joke?”

“I’m sure that it would have been a great family photo, but-“

“Why are you two so eager to see your father in a speedo?” Alarik asked. “Isn’t that a little weird?” 

“Oh?” At Elsa’s tone, the room went silent. Agnarr and Kristoff looked at Alarik with expressions of muted fury and horror. Iduna clucked her tongue and took a long drink from her cup and Anna was suddenly fascinated in how shiny her tinsel crown looked. 

“Uh-“

“Mom, where can I get one of those drinks?” Elsa disentangled herself from Alarik’s arms and stood up. 

“Here, I’ll make you one.” Iduna led her into the kitchen.

“Wow,” Anna said with a grin. “You are in for it now.”

But his wife had returned to the room, drink in hand, and not mentioned it again. Much to the men’s relief, the conversation had turned to what surprises awaited Neta in the morning and who should eat the cookies she had left for Santa and what Iduna’s secret ingredient was in the eggnog.

“I’ll give you a hint.” Agnarr smirked. “It’s not love. It’s alcohol.” She swatted him.

Elsa was patient. Very patient. And that following July, she was only too happy and willing to pack his suitcase along with her own for their annual family trip to the Jersey Shore. And Alarik, having put his foot in his mouth so often that he hardly remembered their conversation at Christmas, was only too happy to let her as he was distracted at work.

And one rigged game of strip poker later, the girls got their family photo.


End file.
